Friday, June 24, 2011

The Waiting Game

Two weeks ago, Luke found out that his boss had accepted a new job. Though Luke has loved working with Josh, his leaving potentially meant a new role for Luke- a step up. This was obviously exciting; part of the reason Luke really enjoys his job is because of the potential for job growth and learning. Unfortunately, the lady making the decisions about how this would all pan out left for a scheduled vacation literally the day after Josh announced he was leaving. And then she returned from vacation, and we all know how that is. She was swamped. So it has very much felt like our lives have been in limbo, waiting to see what is next and how that will effect Luke (and thus, our family).

Well today I had a particularly bad attitude about the waiting. I am tired of waiting. I just wanted to know. So tonight we were having two friends over for dinner; two guys that attend the Air Force Academy. One of them, John, was from our church in California and Luke was a youth group leader to him. The other guy, Andrew, is John's friend- and now our friend too. We love having them over for dinner and hearing what is going on in their lives. And Silas and Eliana absolutely love playing with them. Literally a few minutes before they walk in the door I sort of word vomited my thoughts all over Luke about his current work situation...  I am just frustrated. But the reality is, so is he. So all of a sudden having people for dinner felt like the last thing I wanted to do. But you know what? Within a few minutes of them being here, I felt better. Because I was forced to not focus on and worry about something I have no control over anyways. We had a fun evening with good food, great company, and we ended the night by watching some Jim Gaffigan clips on youtube. Perfect, right? :)

So as they were leaving, I went to our bedroom to feed Levi. Because the guys were watching youtube clips, I had no computer to use (and normally I read facebook or news on the computer while I nurse). So I picked up a book (that I love) on my nightstand. It's called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young- and there is a short devotional for each day of the year. The devotionals are based on the Bible (the specific verses are listed on each page). And the author writes as if Jesus is actually talking to you. There have been so many times that I pick it up, and it applies directly to my life. Today was one of those days. The first words were, "Hold My hand- and trust." A few lines later, "Fearful, anxious thoughts melt away in the Light of My Presence. When you turn away from Me, you are vulnerable to the darkness that is always at work in the world. Don't be surprised by how easily you sin when you forget to cling to My hand." And that, my friend, is exactly what happened to me today. I chose to worry and be fearful about a situation that I have no control over. My worrying about it isn't going to help us get answers any faster. Rather then worry, I need to continually trust God. He has a plan and though we can't see the end result yet, He is at work. He has never let us down or failed us, why would He start now?

I need to start focusing upwards and stop worrying about what is happening around me. I am so thankful for the devotional I read tonight. It was exactly what I needed- and I know that wasn't a coincidence. I am thankful for a God of second chances. Because I screw up. All. The. Time. So next week we should find out what changes lie ahead for Luke with his job (and just fyi, it's not like he is at risk for losing his job or anything- just changes). And regardless of the outcome, I know that God is in control. And that is enough for me.

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