Perspective

Alternately titled: Welcome February!! January, don't let the door hit you on the way out...

Today is February 1st- a new month! I could not be more excited. January was a rough one for us. An ER visit for me with my not so great insurance. A speeding ticket for Luke on a road where the speed limit changes 3 times in less then a mile. I lost my wedding ring. My kids lost their insurance because a payment took over a week to go 50 miles with the good ol' USPS. Thankfully, I have reapplied for the insurance and everything on that front will work out eventually.

So this month I have posted a few of my bemoanings on facebook, normally with regret later. I mean, we all have bad days. And typically it annoys me when people spout off negativeness all over facebook. And then? It was me this month. Ugh. I hope I learned my lesson!

Despite the suckiness of January, we had some great times too. My friend, Jeanette, came for a visit with her two cute kids. My sister and her family came for a visit which was super fun. Silas turned 5 years old- which I can hardly believe. He had a fun birthday party with friends. Eliana is still not potty trained, but that's ok! Her hair seems to be growing longer, so that is exciting. :)  Levi got three new teeth, which is not awesome for him, but does mean he can start eating more food. And Levi has started crawling.

Through some of my pity parties this month I have also been reminded of the many things I have to be thankful for. I know people who have sick children, people whose marriages are struggling, people who have lost jobs. And I am sure most of those friend would give *anything* to have my problems, which really aren't huge in the grand scheme of things.

It's all about perspective. And choosing joy. Choosing to be content in all circumstances- knowing that God is in control. God is bigger. I feel like it's a lesson I am continually learning. To trust Him through it all- the good and the bad. Choosing to look at what is great in my life rather then what I want to change. I have an amazing husband who thinks that I am the most amazing woman in the world. (I really have him fooled!) And I have three precious, adorable children who make me laugh and bring joy to my life each day. And I have a God who loves me unconditionally, whether I am singing Him praise or questioning the way He works. I am glad that January is done and look forward to what God has planned for February and the rest of the year.

I Corinthians 4:18

So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever.

Deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in my you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Please pray

UPDATE: Madison is out of surgery. Thank you for praying! The doctors were able to remove the mass. It will be a few more days before they know more about what the mass is. Thank you so much for praying for her and her family. Hundreds of people joined in prayer today for this sweet girl. And I know God heard every prayer.

* * * * * * * * * *

When we were in California we were able to spend time with some of our best friends, Brian and Marny. Luke has been friends with Brian and Marny since high school, and I have been friends with them since I started dating Luke. They have two daughters, Madison (9) and Reagan (4). Silas and Reagan are best friends.

A week ago tonight, we were at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk with them- and had a great time. I rode on the sky glider with Madison and Eliana. Luke, Reagan, and Silas were on the chair in front of us, and Madison kept yelling, at the top of her lungs, up to Luke. She was just being silly, and she looked at me and said, "I am so funny!" I totally cracked me up. We were sad to good-bye to them on Wednesday on our way to the airport. 

On Thursday, Marny noticed a bump on Madison's stomach. She took her into the doctor. The doctor told them to take her into the hospital on Friday for an ultrasound and CAT scan. On Friday, after taking her to the hospital, they were told that Madison has a 14cm mass in her stomach and were referred to an oncologist. "Oncologist" is a word that a parent never wants to hear in regards to their child. 

Today they went to Lucille Packard Children's Hospital to meet with an oncologist and have more tests done. Madison was admitted after her appointment and surgery was moved from Friday to today. The results of the tests are not back yet, but her stomach is become more swollen from this mass. She has also lost her appetite.

Please join me in praying for Madison as she has surgery today. 

~Pray that the doctors will clearly see everything that needs to be removed. Pray that they will be able to quickly diagnose what is going on and figure out what needs to happen next.

~This is the first time Madison has had surgery. Pray for peace for her. Pray that she will be brave. Pray that she would not have any negative side effects to the anesthesia. 

~Pray for Brian, Marny, and their family during this difficult time. Pray for peace and comfort.

~Pray for supernatural healing from God. God is still in the business of miracles!

One miracle has already happened. In the morning at 7:30AM, eight different specialist will be meeting to discuss Madison's case, review her tests and CAT scans. The doctor that informed them of this meeting said that it was very unusual for these eight doctors to be here the same morning and all be able to meet about this. Some may think, what a coincidence! I say, thank you Jesus! And thank you to the many of you already praying for her. 

Here is a picture from last week at the Boardwalk

Top: Madison
Bottom: Silas and Reagan

Rainbows=God's Promise

We saw the most amazing rainbow after dinner at my parent's house in July. A very bright, full rainbow- and the hint of second one. It was "take your breathe away" beautiful. Here are a few pictures I took in an attempt to capture it.

So bright!

My attempt to show the entire rainbow...

I zoomed in on the rainbow to show the colors...

I love seeing rainbows... It's a reminder to me of God's promise to Noah. A reminder to me of God's love.

Late night thoughts

We are back home in Colorado. We had a great trip in California. We traveled from San Diego to Redding to San Jose. Lots of fun times, great food, and good memories made. I will post pictures from our trip soon. Right now I am trying to get the bags unpacked and mounds of laundry done.

Here are some of my random thoughts to share:
~California has a law that requires restaurants to list the calories for food. Talk about depressing. Honestly, I don't want to know that I am blowing half of my calories for the day on one meal. I am happy that Colorado doesn't have this law.
~I am losing hair by the handful. I know that after being pregnant it's common to lose hair. I don't ever remember losing this much though. I hope I don't go bald.
~Levi had his 4 month checkup today. He is 26 inches long and 2 ounces shy of 16 pounds. He had shots today unfortunately, which made for a tough day for him.
~Silas starts preschool in 3 weeks! Cannot believe how big he is getting.
~Tried potty training with Eliana again yesterday. She is so not ready. I am hoping at some point she will care enough to try. She knows what she is doing, just doesn't have any desire to do it.
~I stubbed my toe on a chair tonight. The pain took my breath away. My little toe is now bruised, swollen, and slightly separated from my other toes. It hurts to walk which is a bummer because I was really looking forward to getting back to working out after our trip (and the many calories I consumed). Hoping it heals quickly, but also remembering there are many dealing with much bigger issues.
~Sometimes there is so much sadness in life. Broken marriages. The death of loved ones. Cancer. Unknown future due to health issues. Hard stuff. Those things remind me though how much I have to be thankful for, as well as to not take things for granted. It also makes me thankful that my trust and faith is grounded in Jesus Christ. We live in such a broken world. I am thankful for hope in Him.

Three Things on Thursday

#1- Silas got glasses this week! Over the last few months, we noticed that Silas was turning his head to one side (like he was only looking out of one eye) when he would look at things and squinting often. I took him to the eye doctor a few weeks back and he is far-sighted, pretty severely. So we went to pick up his glasses on Tuesday. The frames are very cute- but the lenses were pretty thick. The eye doctor wasn't happy with how they came out and offered to order another type of lens that would be thinner. They are ordered and should be in soon. But in the meantime, Silas is getting used to wearing glasses. I think he looks so cute in his glasses!

#2- I read this quote a few weeks ago and really like it. It's a quote that I need to read daily.

"Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough,

 powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in 

our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important 

enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, 

or our tight grip of control."

- Francis Chan (Crazy Love)

#3- Looking to make a difference? Here is a list of 100 ideas of way to make a difference. I want to teach my children to serve and help others. I want them to know that we have so much to be thankful for- and that we need to be willing to share what we have with others. Our culture is so self-focused; I think we all need to take time to look around us and see how we can help others- in our city, in our country, around the world. Take a few minutes to look at the list- there are a ton of unique, creative ideas.

The Waiting Game

Two weeks ago, Luke found out that his boss had accepted a new job. Though Luke has loved working with Josh, his leaving potentially meant a new role for Luke- a step up. This was obviously exciting; part of the reason Luke really enjoys his job is because of the potential for job growth and learning. Unfortunately, the lady making the decisions about how this would all pan out left for a scheduled vacation literally the day after Josh announced he was leaving. And then she returned from vacation, and we all know how that is. She was swamped. So it has very much felt like our lives have been in limbo, waiting to see what is next and how that will effect Luke (and thus, our family).

Well today I had a particularly bad attitude about the waiting. I am tired of waiting. I just wanted to know. So tonight we were having two friends over for dinner; two guys that attend the Air Force Academy. One of them, John, was from our church in California and Luke was a youth group leader to him. The other guy, Andrew, is John's friend- and now our friend too. We love having them over for dinner and hearing what is going on in their lives. And Silas and Eliana absolutely love playing with them. Literally a few minutes before they walk in the door I sort of word vomited my thoughts all over Luke about his current work situation...  I am just frustrated. But the reality is, so is he. So all of a sudden having people for dinner felt like the last thing I wanted to do. But you know what? Within a few minutes of them being here, I felt better. Because I was forced to not focus on and worry about something I have no control over anyways. We had a fun evening with good food, great company, and we ended the night by watching some Jim Gaffigan clips on youtube. Perfect, right? :)

So as they were leaving, I went to our bedroom to feed Levi. Because the guys were watching youtube clips, I had no computer to use (and normally I read facebook or news on the computer while I nurse). So I picked up a book (that I love) on my nightstand. It's called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young- and there is a short devotional for each day of the year. The devotionals are based on the Bible (the specific verses are listed on each page). And the author writes as if Jesus is actually talking to you. There have been so many times that I pick it up, and it applies directly to my life. Today was one of those days. The first words were, "Hold My hand- and trust." A few lines later, "Fearful, anxious thoughts melt away in the Light of My Presence. When you turn away from Me, you are vulnerable to the darkness that is always at work in the world. Don't be surprised by how easily you sin when you forget to cling to My hand." And that, my friend, is exactly what happened to me today. I chose to worry and be fearful about a situation that I have no control over. My worrying about it isn't going to help us get answers any faster. Rather then worry, I need to continually trust God. He has a plan and though we can't see the end result yet, He is at work. He has never let us down or failed us, why would He start now?

I need to start focusing upwards and stop worrying about what is happening around me. I am so thankful for the devotional I read tonight. It was exactly what I needed- and I know that wasn't a coincidence. I am thankful for a God of second chances. Because I screw up. All. The. Time. So next week we should find out what changes lie ahead for Luke with his job (and just fyi, it's not like he is at risk for losing his job or anything- just changes). And regardless of the outcome, I know that God is in control. And that is enough for me.

"Learning" ~ a book you won't want to miss!

I love to read. When I find a good book, it can sort of consume my life until I am done with it. Luke has woken up many times at 3:00AM to find me awake, still reading. I must admit, having three kids now, finding time to read is a lot harder. But I have a few authors that I love and will always make time to read their books- even if it means losing sleep. One of those authors is Karen Kingsbury. My friend, Shelley, recommended Karen's books to me a number of years ago. Thankfully, it was pre-kids, because when I discovered Karen's books, I could not get enough of them. 

Karen is a Christian fiction writer. Her books are all sent in present time with very relevant story lines. I started with the Redemption series, which is based on the Baxter family, a family made up of five adult children. Each book focuses on a different child. It's a great series! Another series that I love by Karen is the 9-11 series; a trilogy of books that are based on 9-11. I would highly recommend these three books- a story based on a real, life changing event in our country. A warning for new readers: always have kleenex handy. If you have heart, you will cry at some point of almost every book.

I won a contest on faceboook about a month ago and was selected to receive and review an early copy of Karen's new book, "Learning," which comes out this Tuesday, June 21st. I received my copy a few weeks ago and wrote the following review of the book. It's a great book! If you have read Karen's books before, go get this book on Tuesday. You will not be disappointed! If you haven't ever read Karen's books before, don't start with this one because it's the second book in a series. Either start with the first book in this series, "Leaving," or if you want to know where to start with Karen's books or my personal favorites, drop me a comment and I will email you back. Enjoy!

Review of "Learning" ~ Another amazing book by Karen Kingsbury

Karen Kingsbury has done it again! “Learning” is another beautifully written story by Karen that will find readers laughing and crying, while comparing the situations in the book to their own lives and walk with God. “Learning” is the continuing journey of Bailey and Cody, as well as the Flanigan and Baxter families. The book will take you to life in Bloomington, Indiana and New York City. Karen has an incredible talent of bringing places and characters to life for the reader- and “Learning” is no exception. Some of the characters are like old friends and we are excited to read about what is happening in their lives. We go through the ups and downs with them and see how God is there to meet their every need. Karen also intermixes new friends; friends you will fall in love with as you read. 

Bailey is coming of age in “Learning” as she moves to New York City to be a part of the cast of “Hairspray.” Brandon Paul is still very much a part of her life. She has said her good-bye to Cody, but can she let go of him in her heart? “Learning” finds Bailey discovering new life lessons as a young woman who is seeking to shine for Jesus in a dark place. 

Cody is back in Indiana coaching high school football and helping Cheyenne recover from her car accident. He is determined to be a friend to her and help her through the rehabilitation process, which he knows the difficulty of firsthand. Cody continues to believe that Bailey has moved on and that he must too. But can he truly move on from his memories of Bailey? And is Cheyenne the woman God has for his future? 

One particular scene from the book that encouraged me was when Bailey is sitting in on a Bible Study with Betty (the older woman she is living with in NYC) and three of Betty’s friends. Bailey is having an off day and is struggling. One of the ladies reminds her that God has great plans for her. Bailey responds by saying, “That’s my prayer, anyway.” One of the ladies encourages her by saying, “You can pray that God will help you understand those plans. But you don’t have to worry. He definitely has good plans for you.” This was of particular encouragement to me because I too often worry about the future. I can so easily lose sight of God’s promises. Reading this was a reminder of God’s promise in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 

This book has so many story lines relevant to our world today that you will find yourself identifying with many of the characters. One of the my favorite aspects of Karen’s writing is how the readers interact with God and how God responds to them through scripture. It’s a reminder to me that I need to be talking to God every moment of the day, as if He is right there. Because after all, He is! Karen’s writing also reminds me of the importance of memorizing Bible verses and shows how those verses come back to us in moments of need. You will love every page of “Learning” with the exception of the last page, because that signifies the book is ending. And let’s face it, we never want these books to end! You will not want to miss “Learning”- you will find yourself learning right alongside of Bailey, Cody, and all of our other friends.

A do-over...

Do you ever go through hard times or a trial- and you look back at how you dealt with it and just know you failed? Like you could have taken that hard time or trial to grow- and you just didn't? Well if you haven't guessed it already, I have. I look back at some things we have dealt with in the past few years and think, man I wish that I had trusted God through that! I mean, honestly?!? I know God isn't going to fail me. I knew that the hard things we were experiencing were going to eventually work out. But instead of taking the opportunity to trust and grow my faith, I just didn't. I may have let God have that problem (so to speak), but then when things didn't work out the way I thought they were going to or the way I wanted them to, I let God  know that I would take that problem back and deal with it myself. Because clearly I could figure it out on my own... As you can guess, that didn't work out so well for me.

The funny thing is that some of you have heard me speak, over the last year especially, that I trust God. And really, I do. But it's so much easier to say those words then actually live it out. I still try to do things on my own, and that just drives me crazy. I know that God is at work- even when I can't see it or understand it. I need to remember that He is for me. That God wants the best for me- and His best for me may be completely different then what I think is the best for me.

Our last year in California was hard. I was not in a good place emotionally or spiritually. I was in the desert. (And that is another post entirely!) When we moved to Colorado, I looked back and thought, "Man, I totally blew it with how I responded to that situation. What did I miss out on because of how I responded? I wish I could have a do-over and do things differently- and just TRUST GOD!" And guess what? That next time came within just a few months; I had a chance for a do-over! And you know what? I blew it AGAIN! Talk about short term memory.

So fast forward to today. Again I find myself in a season where I need to have faith, pull up my boot straps and TRUST. And again, I find myself floundering. I ping pong between trust and doubt. Knowing that we will get through this and wanting to throw up my hands and give up. And this time I so badly want to get it. I want to learn everything I can from this season in our lives. I don't want to doubt. I don't want to take it back from God and try to do it on my own. I don't want to fail. I want to learn everything I can and everything that God wants to teach me right now. I want to grow. But man, it can be hard! This song needs to be on repeat in my house right now- I love the truth that is speaks.

Will you pray for me? Pray that God would clearly show Himself to me. That I would seek Him and His will out like never before. That I would learn to just trust Him and rest in Him. That I would give my problems to Him and leave them there- and not try to snatch them back. And that I would remember that even when things don't make sense that He is for me.

The Passion of My Jesus

Tomorrow is Easter morning... It's been a busy week for us- busy with normal stuff, busy with not normal stuff, and busy with Easter stuff. I have had numerous things to blog about, but no time to sit down and write... One of things I have been busy with, as I mentioned, has been getting ready for Easter. Making sure we all have our new clothes to wear to church, getting the Easter baskets ready for Silas and Eliana, stuffing eggs for our Easter egg hunt, baking Easter cookies, dying Easter eggs... You know, all of the REALLY important Easter stuff. (Note: sarcasm)

This is the first year that Silas, on some level, understands Easter. We have talked about why we celebrate Easter and have read the stories out of his little Bible. I want him to know that while getting an Easter basket and doing Easter egg hunts is fun, that is not what Easter is really about... Yet it's something, that as an adult, I also so easily forget. I was looking at my sister's twitter tonight as I was taking a break from my "to do" list to feed Levi. I saw a response she posted to someone which said: "We've decided to forgo an extended family get-together this Easter. The stress melted away. Now I can focus on Jesus." And it was a reality check for me. Easter isn't about all of things I have let myself get wrapped up in the last few days- it's about my Jesus.

So after the kids were in bed and the kitchen was cleaned up from egg dying and cooking baking, I needed to start ironing our clothes for church in the morning. One of the things I had wanted to do this week was watch "The Passion of the Christ." It never happened. So I decided to pop in the DVD while I ironed; I figured I would rather watch some of it then none of it. Well, to put it mildly, it consumed me. I watched the entire movie.

I don't think I have watched this movie since having children myself. Watching Mary, as she watched her son, beaten and crucified, I just sobbed. Literally. Thinking of my own children, I was struck with a whole new realization of the the cost of the cross. And then I would go from watching Mary to watching Jesus. And I felt my heart and spirit break and cry out, "That's my Jesus!" And tears just rolled down my cheeks. Jesus was a real man who lived and breathed like you and I. He was perfect, without sin. And this man, my Jesus, died for MY sins.

Easter isn't about Easter bunnies and candy. It's not about some myth of a man who died on a cross. It's about my Jesus, who loved me (and all of mankind) so much that He willingly endured the cross so that all who believe in Him might have eternal life. And really? The cross was a torturous death- not a way that probably anyone would choose to die. Jesus choose it. That, my friend, is LOVE. Crazy Love. Love that makes no sense, humanly speaking. That was the passion of the Christ- the passion of my Jesus. I am so thankful that I serve a God who loves me with that sort of love.

As I celebrate Easter tomorrow (or I guess really today, since it is now past 2:00AM)... I will remember my Jesus- who died an awful, agonizing death on a cross for my sins. But the really magnificent part is what we celebrate on Easter. Not just that He died, but that He rose from the grave- that HE IS ALIVE.

Matthew 28:6- "He isn't here! He is risen from the dead,
just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying."

Happy Easter friends! May you the true meaning of Easter overwhelm you with gratitude and love for our Savior. And may His crazy love overflow out of your life and my life, to those around us, that they might see Jesus through us.